


Jealousy is a disease die slow

by Snoozydog



Series: Sleeping arrangements [9]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: But very fragile relationship, Established Relationship, Feelings, Insecurity, Jealous John, John is not Happy, M/M, POV John Watson, Possessive John
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-08
Packaged: 2019-10-24 12:14:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17704073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snoozydog/pseuds/Snoozydog
Summary: Finally having Sherlock Holmes as his boyfriend is everything John has ever wanted, and yet, it's more or less torture almost all the time.





	Jealousy is a disease die slow

Being Sherlock Holmes boyfriend isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.  
Far from it.  
Sometimes John wonders what’s wrong with him for ever having wanted this. Because he’s never been as frustrated, jealous and insecure of himself and his relationship as he is right now.

To begin with Sherlock is a plunderer.  
He walks inside a room and takes absolutely everything and everyone hostage while doing it. John finds himself reduced to a mere shadow, because no one is looking at him but a lot a people are watching his boyfriend. Many with hate or anger in their eyes, and although that can sting a bit, John can live with it, just as well as Sherlock can.  
Bit it’s the other looks, the sexual ones, the longing ones, the looks from people Sherlock has slept with or people who wishes to sleep with him that makes the experience excruciating for John. 

Secretly he hates himself for feeling like this, because it’s irrational and stupid and purely based on insecurity. But when he sees Molly or Lestrade or even someone like Donovan who does actually not like Sherlock but still has had the privilege of having slept with him, something twists inside John and he becomes cold and hard and unfriendly.

He tries talking about it to make it go away, because the one suffering the most from this is himself. But Sherlock doesn’t understand. 

Of course he doesn’t, because to him the concept of feelings and entanglements and sex doesn’t necessarily go hand in hand.  
He likes John because of what they share together when it comes to their home and the case work and now when they’re having sex he says he likes John even more because it means he can monopolize John’s time completely and Sherlock loves an audience, whatever the situation. 

That Molly lusts after him is not of any concern to him and he doesn’t understand why John should feel threatened either, “ _it’s not like she’s getting what you’re getting_ ” as he simply phrases it. But John doesn't appreciate the way Molly tilts her head just slightly, gliding her gaze up his boyfriends frame when she doesn't think anyone notices and despite what Sherlock claims, he does like Molly in his own special way, even if he doesn't like her like she likes him. 

Donovan is even more of a non-threat because they only slept as part of a stupid plan, Sherlock certainly doesn’t like her and she doesn’t like him. _Or so she says_ , John bitterly thinks without being able to help himself and throws all logic out the window when he sees her. Sherlock hates it when John brings her up, he thinks it’s a thing of the past and not even worth thinking about, even less so to discuss, sighing dramatically when John makes a comment. So he tries to stop himself from doing it,ending up alone with his suspicious thoughts instead. 

But the absolutely worst, the one person John categorically can’t stand and Sherlock despite that fact insists on both working with, talking to and texting, calling and hanging with on a regular basis is Lestrade. 

They are always together, as soon as John turns his back they are sitting or standing hunched over one thing or another, forever linked together in a symbiosis that makes John want to punch both of their faces when seeing it.  
They feed of each other because of the case work.  
Lestrade needs Sherlock's help and Sherlock needs the work. 

Despite John’s blog and whatever Mycroft manages to lure his brother into helping him with, in the end it’s Scotland Yard who is the largest provider of work for the consulting detective and Scotland Yard means Lestrade 9 times out of 10.  
Dimmock has not had the gall to show himself in their presence since the rumour that Sherlock and John are a couple spread like wildfire through the corridors of the Yard. That confirms a suspicion John has for a long time harboured about the man, but he is grateful for the abstinence as he isn’t sure if he could cope with yet another person in their lives that he needs to keep a jealous eye on. 

Slowly it is eating him up inside and no matter how hard he embraces Sherlock when they’re out in public, how much he tries rubbing people’s noses in the fact that Sherlock is **his** , he hates that he feels like this. 

Because John Watson was never a jealous person until Sherlock Holmes and now he’s almost drowning in it. 

Since Sherlock doesn’t understand the issue, John tries talking to someone who doesn’t really know them as a couple and who can look at them objectively.  
Harry and her estranged wife Clara seem like the best option, also being a couple with their fair share of problems between them who still have the intention of working through those issues, so he invites them over for tea. 

It doesn’t go according to plan.  
Clara doesn’t warm to Sherlock at all, Sherlock is his usual antisocial self, refusing to sit down and talk like a grown-up, and Harry is already on the wrong side of tipsy from the beginning, so when they leave everyone’s feathers are more or less ruffled and Sherlock haughtily declares that he’s off to Bart’s for at bit of breathing space, leaving John fretting at home about what Sherlock will be up to when John isn’t there to observe him.  
What if Molly makes a move?  
Or Lestrade comes by with a case and finds Sherlock alone and vulnerable to temptation?  
As he paces the living room conjuring up scenarios where Sherlock will end up in the arms of someone else, a voice in the back of his head, decidedly sounding like Mycroft, tuts at him and says “ _I told you there would be trouble if you got involved with my brother_."  
No one except Mrs Hudson seem happy about their new relationship and as John’s jealousy begins to grate on Sherlock’s nerves as well as his own, John wonders how something that he has wanted and lusted after for such a long time could’ve turned poisonous so quickly after achieving it.

When Sherlock is lying next to him at night, or when they’re having sex, burying themselves in each other, licking, grinding, clawing, touching, panting and fucking, everything is fantastic. It's everything he could have ever wanted and more. But as soon as the intimacy is over, when they are in the presence of other people and Sherlock sucks the very air out of the room, then John almost wonders if this is nothing but delicately intricate torture. 

Because as much as he loves Sherlock Holmes, the fear of losing him is even greater and a part of him knows that if that fear wins over his love, consumes him whole and poisons their relationship, he will lose it all. 

When he twist and turns in anxious worry about what his boyfriend is up to at the moment while he has left John waiting at home, he wonders if that wouldn’t be the best solution in the end. 

Because right now he’s living in hell. 


End file.
